Twin Peaks, David Lynch’s cult classic television show, returned last night after staying off the air for 26 years. When the hit show and film (Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me) concluded, it left millions of viewers wondering what happened to the series’ many characters. Kyle MacLachlan’s Special Agent Dale Cooper, the show’s lead, met a particularly troubling fate, as he was trapped in another plane as his double wreaked havoc in our world.
While the show’s continuation raised more questions than provided answers, there’s one thing we at Money Badger were wondering all these years: if Cooper had a portfolio, what would he invest in?
After binge watching the first two seasons of Twin Peaks in anticipation for the new season, we put together a list of stocks and securities Dale Cooper would likely invest his hard-earned FBI money in. That is, if he ever returns from the Black Lodge.
There’s nothing like a good cup of black coffee, according to Dale Cooper. Since his disappearance, coffee became a much larger staple of the American stock market. Starbucks ($SBUX) was likely on Cooper’s radar during the early ’90s, though the chain grew tremendously since his disappearance. Dunkin Donuts ($DNKN) also grew to the point where there’s probably one in Twin Peaks. Even grocery store coffee brands like Folger’s rose in popularity and value when the J.M. Smuckers ($SJM) company bought the brand for $3.3 billion in 2008. You can even invest in newly created coffee ETFs like $JO and $CAFE.
Cooper’s fondness for the Double R Diner’s cherry pie is one of the more charming recurring bits on the original Twin Peaks. Yet if Cooper or his fans tried to track down pie-only stocks, they would come up empty handed. Fortunately, Pinnacle Foods ($PF, Duncan Hines), Pillsbury (technically made by J.M. Smucker, or $SJM), Keebler (Kellogg’s, $K) and Nabisco (Mondelez, $MDLZ) all sell pie-making products to help you make the best damn cherry pie at home.
Dale Cooper almost always dons a sleek suit in the original Twin Peaks series and Fire Walk With Me. Chances are that his suit store of choice has closed within the 25 years. If he were to go suit shopping now, he would likely get his wardrobe from one of Tailored Brands’ subsidiaries ($TLRD, Men’s Warehouse, JoS. A. Bank, Moores), a department store chain ($M, $JCP), or a privately owned chain like Brooks Brothers.
Special Agent Dale Cooper is a calm man who tries to use logic and his wits to solve everything. Yet when situations escalate, Cooper isn’t afraid to show his skills with a handgun. His accuracy and skill not only means Cooper spent ample time at a gun rage, but likely owns a series of firearms in his home away from Twin Peaks. Chances are that if Cooper does personally own handguns, they’re likely made by Ruger ($RGR) or Smith & Wesson ($SWHC), two of the most popular publicly traded gun companies in America.
If you want to invest like Dale Cooper, be sure to follow his knack for doing copious amounts of research before you even think of investing. These stocks might sound like good buys on paper, but tracking their performance and looking for patterns is super important. Otherwise, you could be in for a world of hurt.